Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Two words: blizzard sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
