I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
