Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
