the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
