Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is Oprah even human
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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