Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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