Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can't special order awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
