im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize