all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
