Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Randomize
