Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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