Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
