where does the pee come out of this thing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
