If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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