paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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