These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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