I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
