Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
