I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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