Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
