I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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