people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
