awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
