so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
