Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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