we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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