it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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