please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
