I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
