I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
