Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just found a bag of teeth...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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