so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We got so high we made milksteak
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
