don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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