Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
