last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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