1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize