Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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