i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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