I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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