Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm both gender and math confused
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
