Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
