My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
