i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
