marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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