Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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