Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
