Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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