well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
