shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
