i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
