you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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