Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
