We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
