Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
