i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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