I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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