That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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