Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize