i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
