no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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